Whoa. Cuts deep. Was just thinking my work wasn’t meaningful enough. But you make a fair point. I’d been making it meaningful and clients have found sufficient meaning in it for years. I’d just been too busy thinking it’s not enough. Not because it’s true but because it’s uncomfortable sitting with all the imperfections. Thank you thank you thank you 🙏
You make me think about how what makes our work meaningful is not a logical yes/no equation but rather the amount of meaning we allow ourselves to feel. I think we expect some grand thing to infuse our actions with meaning but really it's our hearts -- whether we allow ourselves to accept the meaning that's already there.
Part of integrating as an INFP is realizing that these values-driven ideals can't be your life. You have to learn to live with good enough, and with the fact that everyday life can't clear your bar. You have to embrace the high moments when you get them and accept that life overall isn't ever going to be that.
One way is to accept defeat and slink away. But that will only gnaw at one forever.
For me, I eventually had to admit that the quest for meaning was always a personal project. Even if it helped others, at its core it was selfish. That's how I see it and there may be other view points. So, I grew out of it when I found people I love more than myself.
I still feel like an impostor when I am alone too long and start overthinking. But it passes. The day-to-day pulls me back, and I am genuinely terrible at the day-to-day, more a nuisance than a help, so no ideals there either.
I have also had to stop taking myself so seriously. I am an insignificant speck of dust in the universe, even more so against the scale of its history. I still rail and rant as usual, but ordinary life keeps grounding me.
So perhaps the real advice is: find something one is bad at, under conditions where quitting simply is not on the table. I, for one, am rather spoilt for choice.
I love this comment. It extends so far beyond the INFP type. While INFPs feel this problem in the deepest way, everyone feels it to some extent. What you wrote is so broadly relatable and helpful. Just thank you.
I was making myself nuts trying to always achieve highs related to my values, and in time I came to see it was a losing game. I pivoted to a value of a sustainable life, one accepting the limitations inherent in the world. I didn't have to like them, I just had to recognize they were real.
I think as INFPs we need to learn the importance of developing our Si. When we lean into that third function as a counterbalance to our Fi and Ne we have an amazing ability to find joy and fulfilment in a simple of life. When Fi is balanced with Ne and Si we don't chase the unattainable fame and recognition. We realize that being a loving and supportive Husband, Wife, Father, or Mother is an accomplishment that is world changing. Molding the life of a few people close to you is worth far more than the fleeting fame of big showy accomplishments.
It’s the constant loop of spending unimaginable amounts of efforts for something by the time you finish would not be nearly enough to meet your own expectations which is in a way a major self sabotaging experience that you cannot look past and would gnaw at you forever. Still unclear of how to overcome it.
That's nice that you were looking! It's not in a format for the Internet. Sometimes I see it listed online. Here's one: https://letterboxd.com/film/identities/
Whoa. Cuts deep. Was just thinking my work wasn’t meaningful enough. But you make a fair point. I’d been making it meaningful and clients have found sufficient meaning in it for years. I’d just been too busy thinking it’s not enough. Not because it’s true but because it’s uncomfortable sitting with all the imperfections. Thank you thank you thank you 🙏
You make me think about how what makes our work meaningful is not a logical yes/no equation but rather the amount of meaning we allow ourselves to feel. I think we expect some grand thing to infuse our actions with meaning but really it's our hearts -- whether we allow ourselves to accept the meaning that's already there.
😄 this is the perfect response to an INFP! (Would have been lost to an INTJ).
Part of integrating as an INFP is realizing that these values-driven ideals can't be your life. You have to learn to live with good enough, and with the fact that everyday life can't clear your bar. You have to embrace the high moments when you get them and accept that life overall isn't ever going to be that.
How do you do this though. (Asking for a friend - who is not actually asking, but whatever). How do you tell yourself what is enough?
One way is to accept defeat and slink away. But that will only gnaw at one forever.
For me, I eventually had to admit that the quest for meaning was always a personal project. Even if it helped others, at its core it was selfish. That's how I see it and there may be other view points. So, I grew out of it when I found people I love more than myself.
I still feel like an impostor when I am alone too long and start overthinking. But it passes. The day-to-day pulls me back, and I am genuinely terrible at the day-to-day, more a nuisance than a help, so no ideals there either.
I have also had to stop taking myself so seriously. I am an insignificant speck of dust in the universe, even more so against the scale of its history. I still rail and rant as usual, but ordinary life keeps grounding me.
So perhaps the real advice is: find something one is bad at, under conditions where quitting simply is not on the table. I, for one, am rather spoilt for choice.
I love this comment. It extends so far beyond the INFP type. While INFPs feel this problem in the deepest way, everyone feels it to some extent. What you wrote is so broadly relatable and helpful. Just thank you.
I was making myself nuts trying to always achieve highs related to my values, and in time I came to see it was a losing game. I pivoted to a value of a sustainable life, one accepting the limitations inherent in the world. I didn't have to like them, I just had to recognize they were real.
I think as INFPs we need to learn the importance of developing our Si. When we lean into that third function as a counterbalance to our Fi and Ne we have an amazing ability to find joy and fulfilment in a simple of life. When Fi is balanced with Ne and Si we don't chase the unattainable fame and recognition. We realize that being a loving and supportive Husband, Wife, Father, or Mother is an accomplishment that is world changing. Molding the life of a few people close to you is worth far more than the fleeting fame of big showy accomplishments.
Will infps ever feel satisfied?
It’s the constant loop of spending unimaginable amounts of efforts for something by the time you finish would not be nearly enough to meet your own expectations which is in a way a major self sabotaging experience that you cannot look past and would gnaw at you forever. Still unclear of how to overcome it.
Could you post a link to the documentary, or title that will help us find it?
That's nice that you were looking! It's not in a format for the Internet. Sometimes I see it listed online. Here's one: https://letterboxd.com/film/identities/