In the olden days of the Internet, it was scandalous when someone published one of my posts as their own. But I never cared because I always had another post inside me. Stinginess makes sense when you think something is scarce.
Which made me wonder why INFPs are so stingy with sincerity when you have an infinite amount.
I thought about this while looking at portraits by Phoebe Dickinson, which I found while investigating whether a little girl who lives near Prince William looks suspiciously like Prince William. If you have ADHD, you know there’s nothing like a possible scandal to improve concentration.
Dickinson paints children from very old, very rich English families, usually inside their homes. The rooms are spectacular. The children are not. People who could hire anyone to paint their children choose portraits that let them look ordinary. Probably because the house already tells you the child matters.
Sincerity is not as transparent as an English estate. It requires a closer look and more depth of understanding. So INFPs don’t trust other people to recognize its value. You shield your ideals and the huge amount you care until someone has proven they deserve to see them.
But what would proof look like? You can’t say, because proving someone would honor your real self would require letting them see your real self. So you wait for safety before becoming visible, when becoming visible is the only way to find out whether you’re safe.
A real person might love you deeply and still miss things. They might understand something important immediately and misunderstand something else for years. They will almost certainly disappoint you. But disappointment is different from danger.
We don’t know whether Dickinson’s children feel as secure as the portraits make them look. But the paintings suggest what security makes possible: you can be seen without first making sure the person looking will see you correctly. You don’t have to prove you’re extraordinary. You don’t even have to control what they think.
Abundance doesn’t mean trusting everyone. It means knowing that being misunderstood doesn’t make you smaller; someone failure to recognize your sincerity does not diminish its value.
I think they key is that we predominantly interact with people that actually care about others who are sensitive. So many don't unfortunately and it's such a shame. But, I know the world needs to feel more for others and care😊
There’s so much here in this short post. Like Hemingway. I’ll be rereading and pondering a few times. Thank you.